COVERiNG the MiLES

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Sleeping with the Miles

This is how I sleep almost every night...

I start out comfy, then horrifically hot, then freezing... It's an amazing dance our family puts me through!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

My fabulous "sleep time," bun {"Sleep Time," because I wear my hair like this to bed} is due to my lack of time this morning because I had to pull an object from my dog's rectum... that is a sentence i should NEVER have say!

Click on the photo below to see a reenactment:

This is how Diesel got his nickname as "Clothes Monster." As some of you know, we’re in the middle of training Diesel so we haven’t been giving him all the attention he’s used too… We think he's acting out to be noticed, good job, it worked!

In the comic you just watched, that was either a long toy or a shirt hanging from Diesel's butt, we won't find out until we get home from work tonight.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Diesel’s Dilemma

There is a reason why Cody & I made the deal that I’m going to be the one who picks out all of our dogs in the future from now on. I hate admitting to this, but the day we went to pick out our English Mastiff, I didn’t want Diesel. Prior to going to the breeder’s house we agreed on a fawn male Mastiff. When we arrived there the breeders had two males & one female. The males were both fawn and hiding in a corner together, wanting nothing to do with us.

The female was an apricot color and all she did was follow me around, give me kisses, and want to play. She was so affectionate, I wanted her! Unfortunately she didn’t fit the description what we previously disgust so she was out of the question. The breeders had to pick up the males and bring them to us; eventually they warmed up and became curious, but still VERY cautious. The entire time I was trying to play with the males, the female kept getting in my lap and demanding my attention, such a Diva! The breeders had to eventually keep her occupied so we could try to play with the males. Of course we thought they were adorable, but what puppy isn’t? I even made the statement if a puppy doesn’t give me kisses, I don’t want it, so we were going to leave empty handed. As we were contemplating walking out, the breeders said the price was negotiable and considering Mastiffs are normally $1500+ we knew we weren’t’ going to find puppies for $900 again, so we played a little more. As I pet Diesel’s belly his eyes closed and he started leaning forward… he kept leaning, and leaning, until eventually his face was on the cement but his booty was in the air, hilarious, slightly blonde… PERFECT! LOOK AT THIS FACE, could you say no to this?

Cody promised me that I could have a small female dog in the future that I could name whatever I wanted if I would agree to the name Diesel… Hence why we have a Diesel & a Lashes J

So what’s Diesel’s Dilemma?

He is still scared of EVERYTHING; bicycles, skateboards, joggers, leaves falling outside, people trying to pet the top of his head, you name it, it freaks him out. It’s progressively gotten worse so we’ve been meeting with trainers to try and help him, but we can’t find someone under $1500, and we don’t make enough money to just be okay to “throw” that money at his problems. After doing TONS of research we found out that Diesel is an anxious dog & it’s been his problem since day one. We tried to help him conquer it by taking him everywhere with us, having as many people handle him as possible, & going to Petsmart for training. Nothing helped, we thought after we got him neutered it would calm him down, but the vets at College Station called us about 8 minutes from dropping him off saying that he was petrified and that he wasn’t going to be able to stay the night due to his high stress level. They actually had to sedate him before giving him the anesthesia, they said after we left he sat in a corner and shook. If a person came near him, he peed, so their behaviorists confirmed that he was an anxious dog with low self-esteem. We worked hard to try and build his confidence, but still nothing. Last year we had a trainer from College Station come over to access Diesel to see if they could help us. We didn’t agree with the things she had to say, on top of her trying to charge us $1250 for just 6 sessions… we had to say no. Well today we met with another trainer from Corridor rescue group {you NEED to check out Corridor rescue, they do AMAZING things for animals!} she had great insight and gave us very helpful tips of things to try, this is our homework:

1^st: We aren’t allowed to give him attention; the only time it’s okay is when he’s laying down and not asking for it.

2^nd:He’s not allowed on the couch, bed, a room, etc… unless we invite him in. We’ve given him too much freedom.

3^rd: Every time he reacts to a noise we squirt him in the face with water. Then we have to body block him from the door, using our bodies to submit him back.

4^th: We take him for walks every day, but if we see one of his “fears” we run pass it, not even acknowledging it. So he's going to become a runner.

5^th: Diesel considers me “His,” every time he sits on me, it’s his way of saying I’m his, so I have to stop allowing him to do this.

6^th: Anyone that comes into our home has to ignore him completely

7^th: When he asks for attention or does his “SPCA” Sarah Mclaughlin “Arms of an Angle” face, we ignore him for at least 30seconds, working our way up in time every three days.

We were told to keep a journal of his behavior for the week and we’ll report back on his progress, this is what has happened since 7:15pm

Diesel’s Diary:

Squirts in the face: 7-8, each cause was him reacting to the invisible trouble outside our door.

Off the couches: 12 times

Pet/loved on him: We’ve been really good! It’s really hard though

Cried for feeling mean: Twice.

We feel evil, but we know he’ll be a happier dog in the end. It’s like he has a drug problem that we have to use tough love to help him over come! It’s going to be a journey, but we’re up for the challenge.

PS:

I wouldn't give up Diesel for anything in the world. He's an amazing dog, with THE BEST face. He's an excellent snuggler, a great smoocher, so sweet with children, he's obsessed with other dogs, & he warms my heart and brightens up my days. He knows when I'm mad, sad, etc... and he knows how to react to make me smile. He is my furry child & a HUGE member of our family. He's 175lbs of love that will live forever, he agreed to it, and we even shook on it!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Crochet Penis Boxers

A few post back I spoke about a spunky grandma who told Cody & I about crochet boxer shorts… well her granddaughter sent an email to Cody with the best attachments EVER! The only thing now between you seeing these fantastic Canadian boxer short is the below photo of Cody dancing with Grandma. Behold the crochet boxer shorts {they are being worn by models... keep that in mind before you scroll down}!

Notice the pocket, it's big enough for a condom... Safety First!

A HOY!

And this one is my favorite. Could this be Cody's next anniversary gift?

I see a wiener!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Pantie Ripper & Golden Dick

I woke up Friday with a horrible sore throat that hurt to swallow {that’s what she said} and it’s slowly gotten worse each day. I missed Monday & Wednesday of work but had to come in today because we’re relocating to a different floor, so I’ve had to pack 19 boxes while blowing my nose, itching my eyes, & sweating, it’s been so much fun… Before this horrible sickness took over my body I was able to have some fun over the weekend. on Saturday we attended a fabulous wedding at St. Ann’s Catholic Church where Oscar & Rachel were joined as one. it was a beautiful ceremony followed by a delicious dinner at Ouisie’s Table.

There was tons of dancing,

"You make me wanna SHOUT!"

and yes Cody is dancing with a Grandma. {We found that we’re a HUGE HiT with children & elders… basically people who don’t work!} So this is probably the COOLEST Grandma ever, not only does she look like Sophia from the Golden Girls

She taught us how to say bad words in Polish & told us a very colorful story about crocheted boxer shorts with penises on them… yes, you read correctly, SHE told us this story, she took the photo to her GYM, again, you read correctly, where she tormented her more proper friend with the idea of purchasing them! After her & Cody danced to their first song, Cody walked to sit her down, & she pulled him back… I want to be her *sigh* I love her {I’m reminiscing about our time together}. Moving on. We sat at a table with our two good friends Joe & Jacque

Jacque is a bad influence, I shall quote her, “I was tipsy when we were in the restroom, but it’s wearing off… I think we need shots!” of course I agreed, so we asked the bartender, Johnny, I think that was his name, if it’s not, it is for this story, what his favorite shot to make was, and he replied… the Pantie Ripper, yes, ripper, not drop, this shot rips your panties right off! Here is how that went:
{CLiCK TO WATCH}

That was a horribly strong shot… if I were texting you this story I would’ve typed, “OMG!” I know there was Pineapple Rum as well as 2 other ingredients, I can’t find Johnny's recipe on the Internet, so if you ever go to Ouisie’s Table ask “Johnny” to make it for you… he’s in the background of the photos, he has blond hair, I'm sure you can find him!

You should also order their martinis, they are FAB-U-LUS! We tried the strawberry Martini which was garnished with a Basil leaf

And then we sampled the blueberry & pomegranate which were delightful as well!

We're defiantly going there again.

We'd like to say CONGRATULATIONS OSCAR & RACHEL, your wedding was beautiful & your party was a BLAST!

After the wedding we conducted our own after hours party at Joe's apartment where Jacque made me a drink called "Golden Dick," yes, I consumed Pantie Rippers & a Golden Dick... Sounds like a classy evening, doesn't it? That's a whole other story, and if I could remember it, I'd tell you, believe me!

Friday, February 10, 2012

MORNiNG FROM...

On Fridays I bring breakfast in for my group... This morning I went to kolache factory, it was raining, there was traffic, it never stopped raining, etc... Well, this is my depiction of this morning's events:

{CLICK ON THE PHOTO TO WATCH}